I'm sure everyone has heard of the "baby blues"... that time after delivery where mom's hormones are kind of wacky. This is a form of Post Partum Depression (PPD); it is the least severe form of PPD, and is characterized by mood swings. The "baby blues" usually manifests within a week or two post partum, and they are experienced by 70-80% of new mothers. (http://americanpregnancy.org/firstyearoflife/babyblues.htm)
The symptoms experienced are generally very mild, and last for brief periods of time. Sometimes, taking a break and spending some time doing something nice for yourself (IE pedicure, color your hair, a hot bath) can help relieve these symptoms and get you back to normal. This is not always the case though. Sometimes, these symptoms become overwhelming. They run your life, making it hard to care for yourself and your newborn. This was the case with me.
At first, I figured I was just experiencing the normal changing hormones. I was irritable, weepy, tired... I tried to manage on my own. Then things got worse. I started losing my temper instead of just being irritable. I started shutting down and becoming non-responsive rather than being weepy. I was either sleeping too much or too little. After a few weeks of my symptoms slowly worsening, I hit my all time low... I became suicidal. I had let my symptoms go on far too long. I almost had to be rushed to the ER on several occasions, as I would shut down so severely that I would pass out and lose feeling in my limbs. I knew there was a severe problem, and how I was feeling wasn't normal. So I made an appointment with my OB, told them what was going on, and was immediately started on an antidepressant and put in therapy. I am so glad that they took such good care of me. Shortly after I got help, I was able to return to my normal self. I was happy again. It took some effort and some help from my husband and family, but I made it. Between post partum hormones and having my baby in NICU, it was just too much to handle on my own.
The other diagnosis that I battle regularly is PTSD. Some people may believe that this is only something that war veterans experience, but it's not. It's actually very common among Preemie Parents and the general population, as is PPD (http://med.stanford.edu/news_releases/2009/june/PTSD.html). And, in a way, NICU Parents ARE fighting a war. We're fighting for our babies. We have to see our babies bagged and resuscitated before our eyes while we beg God not to take them. To please give us more time. We watch our babies be wheeled into surgery when they are only a few weeks or days old, knowing that could be the last time we see them alive. There are many nights that my husband and I will be laying in bed, and we can still hear the alarms and machines beeping. Being in a crowded room triggers me, and causes me to flash back to the day I delivered my 26 weeker... which was one of the most terrifying, traumatic days of my life. I'm sitting here shaking as I type this, I can remember every detail of the most terrifying times in my life... and that familiar feeling of panic is rising in my chest again. I wake from dreams at night, screaming. PTSD is very real. It's very serious. It can happen to ANYONE, and it is so important to ask for help as soon as you notice that there could be a problem.
Did you also know that it's not just moms who experience Post Partum Depression? That's right, it can happen to dads too. In fact, it's estimated that 10-15% or more of dads experience depression and anxiety during or after their partner's pregnancy. You can read more about it here. http://www.todaysparent.com/family/family-health/postpartum-depression-in-dads/
I'm writing this so that parents who are in my position, have been where I've been, who have felt what I've felt, know that they are not alone. There are people other than doctors who understand. You're not any weaker because you have these problems. I think you're stronger. You have the strength to fight battles that most people couldn't. You have the bravery to admit you need help and can't do this on your own, where many people don't. You're fighting your own personal war. You are stronger than you can imagine, because you know weakness. You are braver than you know, because you know fear. I commend you for that. You are a hero.
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