"Get that catheter away from me, I'm having a baby!"

Wow, never thought I'd be sitting here, writing a blog... but, then again, there are a lot of things I never thought I'd do that I've had to go through in the past few months.

I never thought I would be married at 18. But I am.
I never thought I would get rid of my Ford Ranger. But I did.
I never thought I would go into Preterm Labor. But I did.
I never thought I would have a preemie. But I do.
I never thought I would be so happy to see poop. But I am.
I never thought I would cry so hard, that I forgot how to cry. But I do. 
I never thought I would bear witness to one of God's most precious and amazing miracles, let alone have the privilege of calling her my daughter. But I do.

Every single day, I wake up and am amazed by the overwhelming odds that my little girl has overcome in the past 11 weeks. She's fought for her life harder than most adults could, harder than any newborn should ever have to. I am so grateful for that.

My daughter, Autumn, is a Micro Preemie, as you can tell from the title of this blog. The definition of a Micro Preemie is any baby born weighing less than 1 lb 12 oz or before 26 weeks gestation. A "very premature" baby is a baby born between 27 weeks gestation and 30 weeks gestation. So, while Autumn's weight is above the cut off for a micro preemie, she does not fit the criteria for being "very premature". Her Neonatologists have classified her as a Micro Preemie.

I had a perfect pregnancy, up until 21 weeks and 6 days. I woke up to some cramping, 2 minutes apart. I told my husband to get in the car, we were going to labor and delivery. Upon our arrival, an ultrasound revealed that I was 100% effaced. A pelvic exam revealed that I was beginning to dilate and that Autumn's water bag was bulging out of my cervix. We had a very grim prognosis, and our only chance at salvaging the pregnancy was an emergency cerclage (a stitch placed in the cervix to prevent it from dilating). The surgery was successful. Right as we began to relax, my water ruptured at 22 weeks and 2 days. Our doctor, again, gave us a very grim outlook. We were told we would lose our daughter. At the last minute, I switched OBs, to a religious one. They weren't ready to give up on my little girl, and I thank God for that. I had 11 cm of fluid left and was put on antibiotics. I was transferred to a hospital with a level 3 NICU  to finish my bedrest. I began bleeding, and received steroid shots for Autumn's lungs at 24 weeks. I began to bleed over the next week and a half, until 25 weeks and 3 days, when I passed 3 clots the size of my hand. My cerclage was removed, and I was placed on Magnesium Sulfate (referred to as "Mag" by its survivors) to help protect Autumn's brain and eyes. I dilated to 4 cm, then my labor stalled out for a few days. Then, I woke up on the morning of October 23, at 26 weeks and 1 day, and I felt a gush. Then contractions started, 2 minutes apart. I was started on Mag again, and in the 15 minutes it took to get me from the Ante Partum unit to Labor & Delivery, I dilated to 9 cm and was station +1. Now, the thing about Mag is that it can cause your kidneys to fail, so they have to place a catheter while you are being pumped full of this liquid fire to ensure that your kidneys are still functioning. They remove said catheter right before delivery. I told the nurse who was supposed to place my catheter that I was going to deliver within the hour, and she had better not come near me with that catheter. I was right.

Autumn was born at 26 weeks and 1 day gestational age, 7:46 am, weighing in at 1 lb 13 oz. She was 13" long. The doctors warned us that she may not cry at birth, but she began surprising everyone from the very first moments of her life. She was born pink, crying, and trying to look at the tumultuous world into which she had just been brought. As I laid in the delivery bed, the doctors manually removed my placenta. While I can assure you that this was not comfortable at all, I was only focused on one thing: that heating bed across the room where doctors worked tirelessly to stabilize my little girl. I continuously asked if she was alright, if she was breathing, ignoring whatever my OB was saying about my current health. The only thing that mattered was that tiny little miracle fighter across the room. If Autumn reads this one day, I want her to know that she most definitely is special. Honey, you are so amazingly strong. Mommy and Daddy are so proud of you. You out do me in the strength department, sweetie. While I sat there and cried about things that couldn't be changed, you showed the doctors and nurses not to underestimate you. You would kick their hands away every time they examined you. Everyone says that you're strong, just like me, but they've got it backwards. You gave me my strength. You gave me a reason to fight harder than I have ever fought before. When I was admitted to the hospital for preterm labor, then my water ruptured a few days later, I cried in desperation. I questioned my faith. I questioned how someone so tiny could survive so many trials. I had given up hope. But then you kept fighting. Kept beating the odds. Kept proving even me wrong. You are amazing. I used to have so many people that were my heroes and role models. But none of them hold a candle to you. You are my inspiration. You are my strength. You are my world. Don't ever forget it. and don't ever let anyone tell you that you're not strong. That is a blatant lie.

Now that I've gotten that out of the way, I'll continue with our story. Autumn was whisked away to NICU, I got to see her when the nurse wheeled over the isolette to my bedside. I glanced in then urged them to hurry up to NICU. I knew time was of the essence. I would have the rest of my life to gaze at her. Right then, she needed critical care. I was wheeled up to NICU a few hours later. I sat in the wheelchair at the door to her room, staring, frightened. Autumn's nurse noticed, and asked me if I wanted to help her take care of her (hands on time). I refused at first, I was so scared to hurt her! She insisted though, so I carefully walked over to the bed. She guided my hands and showed me how to touch my baby so that it would calm her down while she took temperature and did a diaper change. Later, I sat in the wheelchair and cried. How could this happen to my little girl? Why did she have to endure this? The nurse noticed. She brought me tissues, hugged me, and sat and talked with me for a long time. NICU nurses are honestly Angels. We'll touch on this more in a later post. I had never been so scared, yet excited, in my life. The next few weeks were rocky. Autumn went through two rounds of a medicine called Neoprofin to try and close her PDA (Patent Ductis Arteriosis; a valve in the heart that usually closes on it's own at birth in full term babies, but often times stays open in preemies), but her PDA was too big and wouldn't close on its own (it was almost as big as her main aorta!). At 2 weeks old, and weighing less than 2lbs, Autumn had her first surgery to close her PDA for good. She was on a ventilator for 7 weeks. Several times, she went up to 100% oxygen on her vent. These were some of the hardest nights. Finally, we started Autumn on a steroid called Dexamethasone. She would receive doses of it for 10 days, in hopes that it would help her to get off the vent and onto less oxygen support. It was very successful. She went onto Vapotherm for 3 weeks, and is currently on heated high flow cannula. Autumn is up to 16" long and weighs 4 lbs 12 oz. She is still that feisty little baby that I first had the honor of meeting 11 weeks ago. My little girl is most definitely "Built Ford Tough".

We've still got a little ways to go, but we are hopeful that we will be home before Valentine's day. Sorry if this post isn't that good or seems a bit scatter brained! Like I said in the beginning, I've never blogged before. I promise, I'll get better at this, just like I've slowly gotten better at changing diapers, ones where poop went up my daughter's back, without getting it all over me or the bed.

                                                          This is Autumn the day she was born...

                                                   And this is her smiling, at 10 weeks old!