Parents of Preemies Day! (and a long overdue update)

It's been a while since I've been able to post and update, and I apologize for that... but it's been crazy around here since Autumn finally came home! That's right, after 166 days in NICU we're HOME! She turned 6 months old on April 23, and she's doing great. She had a G-Tube placed while they did her fundoplication surgery (more on that in a later post), and we hope to have the G-Tube removed this month! That's such a HUGE milestone for us! Coming home was an even bigger one! It's surprising how different the "milestones" are with a preemie... so many more little things are such huge steps.

But onto the main topic of this post... I know everyone has heard of Mother's day, right? and Father's day? But did anyone know that there's a day for Preemie Parents, specifically? May 4th is Parents of Preemies Day!

 During our NICU stay, I saw so many moms with healthy, chunky, happy babies celebrating milestones like sitting up, talking, and rolling over... of course, all of their friends "liked" these posts and shared in their joy. Meanwhile, I sat in a place that I wish no family ever had to see, learned terms no parent should have to know, and discussed calmly with the nurses "she's not turning blue, my baby can't be having a desaturation". I could diagnose and react almost as fast as the doctors and nurses. I had nurses call me their "honorary night shifter". The milestones we celebrated were a little different...

• 2 Days Old- When Autumn should have been going home, we celebrated that she was still alive.
• 1 Month Old - When she should have been cooing, starting tummy time, and discovering her hands, we were ecstatic that she made it through heart surgery!
• 2 Months - She should have been smiling, laughing, and reaching for objects, we JUMPED FOR JOY that Autumn was off the ventilator!
• 4 Months - We should have been enjoying that Autumn could hold her head up and was turning towards our voices, we were happy she could breathe all by herself!
• 5 Months - When other parents were bragging that their baby could sit up, we were FINALLY taking ours HOME!

I see parents starting solids now, while we just focus on finding a bottle that Autumn can eat from effectively. The world of preemie parents is so different. It's so scary and strange, but so beautiful and awe inspiring too. But sometimes, I feel like Preemie Parents just get bunched into the mix of all the other parents. While parenthood in itself is hard, Preemie Parenthood comes with a whole other set of challenges. The first week we were home, we had 3 doctors appointments. The next week, 4 more. This week, 2 more. Parents of Preemies Day gives Preemie Parents a chance to celebrate exactly what we and our families have overcome and how miraculous the journey was, but most importantly, we can celebrate how beautiful it is to have been given the privilege to bear witness to one of God's greatest gifts in the midst of its making. Our babies may have come a bit ahead of our schedule, but in reality, they were right on time. They arrived exactly when they were meant to. 

If you know someone who has been through the NICU journey with a Preemie, celebrate with them on May 4th. Celebrate with us all. This journey really wears parents down, and can make us feel isolated. Sometimes, the best gift you can give is the gift of love, friendship, and understanding. Let them tell you their story if they want, or even just brag about their little miracle. Parents of Preemies Day events are hosted in many locations, maybe even stop by your local NICU and share some love. A helping hand can make all the difference when you feel like you're losing grip. 

Here's the link to the Parents of Preemies Day website

http://www.parentsofpreemiesday.org/main.html

The Giraffe Baby... and other news!

Sorry bout that... I swear, I'm trying!! haha.

So, we have the results from the pH Probe and OPMS.. Autumn is indeed refluxing/ aspirating with feeds. They thickened her feeds with 3/4tsp of thick it for every ounce of formula, and also started her on Reglan and Prevacid... it's helped a bit, but not enough to stop her from having bradychardic events. She's up to 7lbs 15oz! Geez, the baby that seemed to weigh nothing in my hands at birth, is now making my arms sore! I'm so glad though. Maybe it'll help me re-tone my arms, haha. 

Speaking of re-tone and workouts, I'm part of an AWESOME group, called "I Run For Remembrance". It's a place for athletes of all sorts to run/workout/compete in memory of children/infants/adults who gained their angel wings and went home. I got matched with my awesome angel buddy today! She is so adorable, I can't get over it. I can't wait to started working out for her! I'm so making a shirt to wear to the gym, for her!

Also, here's another amazing organization for any preemie parents to check out. It's called "The Tiny Footprints Project". Go ahead, Google it. You'll be glad you did. They're an organization of photographers who do photoshoots for NICU families. Here's how it goes: 

1. Request a session (their site tells you how)

2. They contact you and tell you that they'll match you with a photgrapher in your area (soon after, they send you the photographer's info and say they'll be in touch)

3. Photographer contacts you, sets up a time and date for your photo session... FREE OF COST. 

Yep, you read that right. You get a pro photoshoot free of charge. How awesome is that? Pretty awesome, if you ask me. 

Autumn had a photoshoot with Julie Effron Photo & Video about 2 weeks ago, and the photos turned out AMAZING! It's so nice to find things like The Tiny Footprints Project... if not for them, we wouldn't have been able to afford to professionally document this journey our family went through. Our photographer captured memories and emotions that we will never forget! The photos were done beautifully, and the session was set up so quick! I'm honestly so thankful for all of the generous and kind-hearted people that have helped us out along this rollercoaster ride. Below are some of the pictures done by Julie! 

The Giraffe in the last picture is a gift from Autumn's main primary nurse. She's been caring for Autumn since she was about 2 weeks old... She has been not only a phenomenal nurse, but also a phenomenal friend. She honestly cares about Autumn so much, and is so sweet and protective of her. But there's a bit more behind the story of the Autumn's NICU journey and Giraffes. We aren't sure how it happened, but I don't believe in coincidence. Our primary nurse (we'll call her "J") has called Autumn her "Giraffe baby" for as long as I can remember. The first gift ever given to Autumn was the giraffe pictured above. The other night, I was looking through Autumn's toys that we had bought her, figuring out what needed to be cleaned and what didn't... when I had an epiphany. Let's take a moment to look back to Father's Day, 2013.

 I had just found out I was pregnant, and it was the night of Father's Day. I was out looking for a card for my husband, and happened to "wander" into the baby section...and I saw something I absolutely had to buy for the itty bitty baby who didn't even have a name yet. It was the very first thing I ever bought Autumn. Can you guess what it was? 

That's right. It was a giraffe. I had never been a huge fan of Giraffes, but for some reason this little stuffed, wind up musical creature called out to me. I carried it around the store, holding it close, winding it up over and over and listening to it play soothing lullabies as it moved its head. It wound up coming home with me. Every night, I would lay in bed, place the Giraffe on my belly, and play the music for my little girl. It was her first toy, and I believe there is such significance in the decision to buy it. Some may call it a coincidence, but I call it a sneak peek. It was already written into our fate how Autumn's life would begin. We would be tossed into a terrifying, intimidating world. But we wouldn't travel this path alone. We were meant to meet J, and befriend her. She was meant to be part of Autumn's life. And I'm so glad she is. She's become family, and  can never repay her for what she has done for us. She protected and cared for the most precious person in my life, she guided me and my husband in learning how to cope with and survive in the tumultuous world called NICU. Most of all, though, she helped make out daughter into the beautiful, strong individual she is today. She believed in Autumn, listened to her muted cries, when they otherwise may have gotten lost in translation. She saved our baby on multiple occasions, and I am forever endebted to this wonderful woman. She will forever be in my prayers.

Autumn has also reached some milestones! She now can hold her head up all by herself, and can hold her bottle on her own! She's beginning to smile socially, she can recognize voices and faces, and LOVES to look at herself in her little mirror! (If I was that cute, I would too!) Not a whole lot else to report... say a prayer that we get Autumn's reflux under control, though, so she can come home soon!

Happy Belated Due Date To Autumn!

Had Autumn gone to term, her due date was Yesterday, January 28. I was surprised to realize that I didn't even remember until now.

Autumn is now 6lbs 7oz! I can't believe how big she has gotten... we did have a minor set back, though. Autumn is back on her low flow cannula. She started to drop her saturation and heart rate more, to the point she was turning blue and needed oxygen to recover. They ran a respiratory panel on her, and she came back positive for Rhinovirus (a fancy name for the common cold). Oddly enough, though, she has no symptoms (no fever, cough, sneeze, or congestion) other than needing her oxygen support back. They'll run the panel again on February 2nd to make sure it's gone, then she'll be taken off isolation. The doctors are also going to do a PH test early next week to officially diagnose Autumn with reflux, and possibly get her on medication for it. The last test that is being run this week is a sleep study, since she stops breathing when she gets into a deep sleep. So I'll have a lot of results to update you guys with here soon.

We've made a team for March For Babies this year! Our fundraising goal is $700, but the more we raise for the cause, the better! March For Babies is hosted by March of Dimes every year. It is a walk to raise money for prematurity and the babies who have to go through NICU, so that Neonatologists can better treat their patients and more preemies can survive and have a better outlook in life. If you'd like to join or donate, here is the link to our team page! http://www.marchforbabies.org/s_team_page.asp?seid=2119367&bt=13

All donations, no matter how small, are GREATLY appreciated and make a huge difference! Every penny will go to helping babies like Autumn!

Also, we are selling T-shirts! At least half of the money goes to March For Babies, while the other half of the funds raised by the T-shirts goes to helping my husband and I stay close to the hospital and care for Autumn. The shirts will be $20 plus a $5 shipping fee. Here's the link! https://www.booster.com/marchforautumn

Sorry this is so short, I haven't slept yet (and it's 10am here!) Here are some new pics of Autumn before I go, though!

A Whole New World, A Whole New Me

Sorry for not updating for a while. Things have been busy. While we haven't been given a discharge date, we ARE getting close. Autumn is on 20-25cc of oxygen on low flow cannula, she gets bottle fed 6/8 feeds a day, and she passed her hearing test! We've started getting Autumn's nursery ready for when we finally get to come home. I've been a bit reminiscent all day, though. The little girl across the hall from Autumn was discharged today, and a new baby quickly took over her old room. Down at the end of the hall where Autumn is, things are much different from admissions. The babies are usually in cribs and get bottle fed. You can hear them cry.There are no isolettes, no PICC lines, no IV machines. This new baby, though, is different. He's still in that isolette, and hearing his PICC line alarming tonight really took me back to the beginning weeks of this journey.

Being a Preemie Parent is a life most can't imagine, let alone ever think will become their reality. I sure didn't think I would deliver at 26 weeks and become a Micro Preemie mom. It's such a huge shock, a huge change. Things are going perfect one day, and suddenly the train you were on that was headed to your perfect future derails. This sudden change of events can not only leave a family feeling confused and scared, but also completely alone. People will claim they understand. People will claim they're there for you. They'll try to give you words of encouragement. None of this changes that feeling of isolation, though.

It's like this:

Imagine you live on a planet, where everything goes as planned (or so it seems). You're just living your life, expecting your life to go exactly as it should. And at first it does. No bumps, no problems... everything seems right in your world. Now imagine you wake up the next day to find you've been transported to a completely different planet while you slept. It happens that fast. Everything in your life is suddenly entirely different from everything you've ever known, and now you have to learn everything you thought you knew all over again, and fast. This new world doesn't slow down for anything. Things change in an instant. There are strange sounds, sights, smells, and people who speak a whole different language that you are expected to learn in a matter of days. And you're terrified. As you're trying to adjust to this new world, the people from your original world call and contact you (most have good intentions), wanting to help you adjust. The only problem is, they can't. They want to be there for you... but how can they, when they've never been where you stand? Now, on top of trying to adjust, you feel envy. Envy that your old friends and family get to continue living their life out the way it should go. Also, the more you adjust to your new surroundings, the less you seem to be able to connect with your old acquaintances. They now seem just as foreign as this new world once did. Then one day, you're sent back to your old world and expected to act as though nothing ever happened. As though nothing ever changed. But the changes that you went through and the experiences you had while you were gone were so dramatic, that there is no way to pretend they weren't real.

That's kinda how life has felt for me the past few months. As I sat there and stared at that isolette across the hall, I realized it really seems fitting for NICU. After a while, parents begin to feel just as isolated from the rest of the world as their babies do inside that isolette. As our babies undergo growth and change and on this journey, so do we. I appreciate all the help from my non-preemie family and friends, I really do. But sometimes, you have to take things I say/do with a grain of salt. While something may seem overboard or like it's non of my business, please think about what I've been through. What my family has been through. What I've had to watch my little girl endure. Put yourself in my shoes, then ask yourself how you would react. Sometimes, I seem like I'm losing my mind. But that's only because my normal is so different than yours. The world looks so different through my eyes. And, while I hope none of you EVER have to stand where I stand, please, I'm inviting you to see inside my world, in hopes that we'll have a better understanding between us. Ask me questions, but please don't be offended if I don't respond the way you thought I would. Just as Autumn is such a different baby than she was 13 weeks ago, I'm such a different person than I was 13 weeks ago. But I'd like to let everyone get to know me again. I'd like to know all of you better. Just please be patient with me. My heart has gone through so much, my world was shattered... I need time to heal, but I need help and understanding to heal as well. I'm serious. Please, ask me what's on your mind.

I'm Ashleigh Munger. I'm a Micro Preemie Mom. I've seen things no parent should ever have to. I'll admit, I'm hurting inside. I'll also admit, though, that my experiences have made me a stronger (and better) person, in my opinion. I may not be healed, but I'm closer than I was. We've got a long way to go, but we've come so far. I'm tired, but I'll never give up.

Preemie Parents and PPD/PTSD: My Story

I'm sure everyone has heard of the "baby blues"... that time after delivery where mom's hormones are kind of wacky. This is a form of Post Partum Depression (PPD); it is the least severe form of PPD, and is characterized by mood swings. The "baby blues" usually manifests within a week or two post partum, and they are experienced by 70-80% of new mothers. (http://americanpregnancy.org/firstyearoflife/babyblues.htm)
The symptoms experienced are generally very mild, and last for brief periods of time. Sometimes, taking a break and spending some time doing something nice for yourself (IE pedicure, color your hair, a hot bath) can help relieve these symptoms and get you back to normal. This is not always the case though. Sometimes, these symptoms become overwhelming. They run your life, making it hard to care for yourself and your newborn. This was the case with me.

At first, I figured I was just experiencing the normal changing hormones. I was irritable, weepy, tired... I tried to manage on my own. Then things got worse. I started losing my temper instead of just being irritable. I started shutting down and becoming non-responsive rather than being weepy. I was either sleeping too much or too little. After a few weeks of my symptoms slowly worsening, I hit my all time low... I became suicidal. I had let my symptoms go on far too long. I almost had to be rushed to the ER on several occasions, as I would shut down so severely that I would pass out and lose feeling in my limbs. I knew there was a severe problem, and how I was feeling wasn't normal. So I made an appointment with my OB, told them what was going on, and was immediately started on an antidepressant and put in therapy. I am so glad that they took such good care of me. Shortly after I got help, I was able to return to my normal self. I was happy again. It took some effort and some help from my husband and family, but I made it. Between post partum hormones and having my baby in NICU, it was just too much to handle on my own.

The other diagnosis that I battle regularly is PTSD. Some people may believe that this is only something that war veterans experience, but it's not. It's actually very common among Preemie Parents and the general population, as is PPD (http://med.stanford.edu/news_releases/2009/june/PTSD.html). And, in a way, NICU Parents ARE fighting a war. We're fighting for our babies. We have to see our babies bagged and resuscitated before our eyes while we beg God not to take them. To please give us more time. We watch our babies be wheeled into surgery when they are only a few weeks or days old, knowing that could be the last time we see them alive. There are many nights that my husband and I will be laying in bed, and we can still hear the alarms and machines beeping. Being in a crowded room triggers me, and causes me to flash back to the day I delivered my 26 weeker... which was one of the most terrifying, traumatic days of my life. I'm sitting here shaking as I type this, I can remember every detail of the most terrifying times in my life... and that familiar feeling of panic is rising in my chest again. I wake from dreams at night, screaming. PTSD is very real. It's very serious. It can happen to ANYONE, and it is so important to ask for help as soon as you notice that there could be a problem.

Did you also know that it's not just moms who experience Post Partum Depression? That's right, it can happen to dads too. In fact, it's estimated that 10-15% or more of dads experience depression and anxiety during or after their partner's pregnancy. You can read more about it here. http://www.todaysparent.com/family/family-health/postpartum-depression-in-dads/

I'm writing this so that parents who are in my position, have been where I've been, who have felt what I've felt, know that they are not alone. There are people other than doctors who understand. You're not any weaker because you have these problems. I think you're stronger. You have the strength to fight battles that most people couldn't. You have the bravery to admit you need help and can't do this on your own, where many people don't. You're fighting your own personal war. You are stronger than you can imagine, because you know weakness. You are braver than you know, because you know fear. I commend you for that. You are a hero.

Ignorance and Downright Cruelty

We'll start with an update before I get to the meaning of this post's title. Autumn has been making BIG steps! She's on 1 litre on a heated high flow cannula still, and she requires about 21-23% oxygen. Last night, Autumn's Primary nurse was taking care of her, so I got to do her laundry without worrying... and I have come to the conclusion that I have FAR too many preemie clothes. But they're all so cute! I was so excited, thanks to my mother and a good friend of mine whom I met while I was on Hospital Bed Rest, Autumn has some absolutely adorable little clothes. She got to wear her first dress last night! She was not nearly as excited though, and cried so hard while I was dressing her that her face turned red and she couldn't even make any sound. Poor baby :( I can tell she's going to be a nudist as a toddler... What is it about a clean diaper or clothes that makes babies so flustered? I'm pretty sure she'd rather have a clean butt than diaper rash.

We had a bit of a thrush scare last night (mostly because I'm a paranoid mommy and notice EVERYTHING), but both of our primaries looked at Autumn's tongue and said it's not thrush and looks just fine, since it wiped away. Autumn has finally hit 5 lbs! Gosh, it's amazing how fast she gained weight and how much she's grown in 11 short weeks. I'm so ecstatic she's getting stronger, but part of me is sad to see some of her preemie clothes getting too small for her.

Now onto the meaning of this title. I find it astounding how many people are ignorant and rude about things that nobody ever should be. For instance, I am a recent high school graduate. While I was on bed rest and when Autumn was born premature, I posted on my graduating class' facebook page, asking for prayers for our little girl. I had so much support. So, for Christmas, I updated on how Autumn is doing and posted a few pictures of it. Again, people "liked" the post and showed support. But then one guy (who has honestly been a jerk throughout my entire high school career) had the nerve to post this comment on one of Autumn's pictures... he said "WTF is that?". Really? I wanted to say " THAT is my daughter. THAT is a living, breathing, and beautiful human being, who is stronger (and probably more caring and intelligent) than you could ever be." But I held my tongue, blocked him, and let it be. I have come to learn that people like that are honestly not worth me stressing out or getting upset. I see my little girl fighting for her life every day, and she can continue to smile and snuggle happily. She continues to teach me so much about how I should see life and react to obstacles. It just floors me that, instead of looking past all of the tape and medical equipment in  order to see what amazing little fighters preemies are, some people choose to focus on that equipment like it defines who the child is. It doesn't define them, not for one second. What should say more about them is the fact that, despite all the odds, they're alive. They're still smiling, despite having to fight for their life from the second they were born. They have been through more than ANYONE should ever have to go through. They're strong. They're miracles. They're beautiful.

                                          Below is the picture that this comment was made on.

                                                            Here is Autumn's first dress!

                                                     

"Get that catheter away from me, I'm having a baby!"

Wow, never thought I'd be sitting here, writing a blog... but, then again, there are a lot of things I never thought I'd do that I've had to go through in the past few months.

I never thought I would be married at 18. But I am.
I never thought I would get rid of my Ford Ranger. But I did.
I never thought I would go into Preterm Labor. But I did.
I never thought I would have a preemie. But I do.
I never thought I would be so happy to see poop. But I am.
I never thought I would cry so hard, that I forgot how to cry. But I do. 
I never thought I would bear witness to one of God's most precious and amazing miracles, let alone have the privilege of calling her my daughter. But I do.

Every single day, I wake up and am amazed by the overwhelming odds that my little girl has overcome in the past 11 weeks. She's fought for her life harder than most adults could, harder than any newborn should ever have to. I am so grateful for that.

My daughter, Autumn, is a Micro Preemie, as you can tell from the title of this blog. The definition of a Micro Preemie is any baby born weighing less than 1 lb 12 oz or before 26 weeks gestation. A "very premature" baby is a baby born between 27 weeks gestation and 30 weeks gestation. So, while Autumn's weight is above the cut off for a micro preemie, she does not fit the criteria for being "very premature". Her Neonatologists have classified her as a Micro Preemie.

I had a perfect pregnancy, up until 21 weeks and 6 days. I woke up to some cramping, 2 minutes apart. I told my husband to get in the car, we were going to labor and delivery. Upon our arrival, an ultrasound revealed that I was 100% effaced. A pelvic exam revealed that I was beginning to dilate and that Autumn's water bag was bulging out of my cervix. We had a very grim prognosis, and our only chance at salvaging the pregnancy was an emergency cerclage (a stitch placed in the cervix to prevent it from dilating). The surgery was successful. Right as we began to relax, my water ruptured at 22 weeks and 2 days. Our doctor, again, gave us a very grim outlook. We were told we would lose our daughter. At the last minute, I switched OBs, to a religious one. They weren't ready to give up on my little girl, and I thank God for that. I had 11 cm of fluid left and was put on antibiotics. I was transferred to a hospital with a level 3 NICU  to finish my bedrest. I began bleeding, and received steroid shots for Autumn's lungs at 24 weeks. I began to bleed over the next week and a half, until 25 weeks and 3 days, when I passed 3 clots the size of my hand. My cerclage was removed, and I was placed on Magnesium Sulfate (referred to as "Mag" by its survivors) to help protect Autumn's brain and eyes. I dilated to 4 cm, then my labor stalled out for a few days. Then, I woke up on the morning of October 23, at 26 weeks and 1 day, and I felt a gush. Then contractions started, 2 minutes apart. I was started on Mag again, and in the 15 minutes it took to get me from the Ante Partum unit to Labor & Delivery, I dilated to 9 cm and was station +1. Now, the thing about Mag is that it can cause your kidneys to fail, so they have to place a catheter while you are being pumped full of this liquid fire to ensure that your kidneys are still functioning. They remove said catheter right before delivery. I told the nurse who was supposed to place my catheter that I was going to deliver within the hour, and she had better not come near me with that catheter. I was right.

Autumn was born at 26 weeks and 1 day gestational age, 7:46 am, weighing in at 1 lb 13 oz. She was 13" long. The doctors warned us that she may not cry at birth, but she began surprising everyone from the very first moments of her life. She was born pink, crying, and trying to look at the tumultuous world into which she had just been brought. As I laid in the delivery bed, the doctors manually removed my placenta. While I can assure you that this was not comfortable at all, I was only focused on one thing: that heating bed across the room where doctors worked tirelessly to stabilize my little girl. I continuously asked if she was alright, if she was breathing, ignoring whatever my OB was saying about my current health. The only thing that mattered was that tiny little miracle fighter across the room. If Autumn reads this one day, I want her to know that she most definitely is special. Honey, you are so amazingly strong. Mommy and Daddy are so proud of you. You out do me in the strength department, sweetie. While I sat there and cried about things that couldn't be changed, you showed the doctors and nurses not to underestimate you. You would kick their hands away every time they examined you. Everyone says that you're strong, just like me, but they've got it backwards. You gave me my strength. You gave me a reason to fight harder than I have ever fought before. When I was admitted to the hospital for preterm labor, then my water ruptured a few days later, I cried in desperation. I questioned my faith. I questioned how someone so tiny could survive so many trials. I had given up hope. But then you kept fighting. Kept beating the odds. Kept proving even me wrong. You are amazing. I used to have so many people that were my heroes and role models. But none of them hold a candle to you. You are my inspiration. You are my strength. You are my world. Don't ever forget it. and don't ever let anyone tell you that you're not strong. That is a blatant lie.

Now that I've gotten that out of the way, I'll continue with our story. Autumn was whisked away to NICU, I got to see her when the nurse wheeled over the isolette to my bedside. I glanced in then urged them to hurry up to NICU. I knew time was of the essence. I would have the rest of my life to gaze at her. Right then, she needed critical care. I was wheeled up to NICU a few hours later. I sat in the wheelchair at the door to her room, staring, frightened. Autumn's nurse noticed, and asked me if I wanted to help her take care of her (hands on time). I refused at first, I was so scared to hurt her! She insisted though, so I carefully walked over to the bed. She guided my hands and showed me how to touch my baby so that it would calm her down while she took temperature and did a diaper change. Later, I sat in the wheelchair and cried. How could this happen to my little girl? Why did she have to endure this? The nurse noticed. She brought me tissues, hugged me, and sat and talked with me for a long time. NICU nurses are honestly Angels. We'll touch on this more in a later post. I had never been so scared, yet excited, in my life. The next few weeks were rocky. Autumn went through two rounds of a medicine called Neoprofin to try and close her PDA (Patent Ductis Arteriosis; a valve in the heart that usually closes on it's own at birth in full term babies, but often times stays open in preemies), but her PDA was too big and wouldn't close on its own (it was almost as big as her main aorta!). At 2 weeks old, and weighing less than 2lbs, Autumn had her first surgery to close her PDA for good. She was on a ventilator for 7 weeks. Several times, she went up to 100% oxygen on her vent. These were some of the hardest nights. Finally, we started Autumn on a steroid called Dexamethasone. She would receive doses of it for 10 days, in hopes that it would help her to get off the vent and onto less oxygen support. It was very successful. She went onto Vapotherm for 3 weeks, and is currently on heated high flow cannula. Autumn is up to 16" long and weighs 4 lbs 12 oz. She is still that feisty little baby that I first had the honor of meeting 11 weeks ago. My little girl is most definitely "Built Ford Tough".

We've still got a little ways to go, but we are hopeful that we will be home before Valentine's day. Sorry if this post isn't that good or seems a bit scatter brained! Like I said in the beginning, I've never blogged before. I promise, I'll get better at this, just like I've slowly gotten better at changing diapers, ones where poop went up my daughter's back, without getting it all over me or the bed.

                                                          This is Autumn the day she was born...

                                                   And this is her smiling, at 10 weeks old!